1 00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:13,840 Janey, what have I told you about painting your nails at the table? I wasn't listening. 2 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:19,040 My football boots! Where were they when you last had them? On my feet. 3 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:24,120 So wise so young, they say, do not live long. What? I'm not your slave. 4 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:26,840 NICK! BREAKFAST! 5 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:32,040 Congratulations. You've woken up every Nick in the world. Except one. 6 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:33,360 Purple! 7 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:38,440 Nice. Gives you that fingers slammed in the car door look. 8 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:41,320 Mazda or BMW? Off! 9 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:44,360 Hi, Nick. Uh...hi, Janey. 10 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:52,120 Dad. No. What? I'm anticipating your next question. It begins with "Can I have...?" 11 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:57,200 Wrong. It begins with "Can you lend...?" They both end with NO! 12 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:03,360 I want to borrow your new laptop. You got my old one. Doesn't work. You're compatible, then! 13 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:10,120 Why do you give me broken things? Cos YOU break them. I didn't break it. It just got a little damp. 14 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:14,520 Portable does not mean submergible. It didn't say that! 15 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:18,600 You didn't read the instructions. Didn't wanna get them wet! 16 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:25,640 I think I'll quit while I'm ahead. Shall I book the restaurant for after the film? We've got plans? 17 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:31,120 I left a note on the fridge and I wrote it in lipstick on the mirror. 18 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:36,200 I need more than hints. Hope my next husband has your sense of humour! 19 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:43,280 Mr Unsworth broke a tooth. He's coming in after work. Why don't we go out tomorrow night? All right. 20 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:45,960 Excuse me? 21 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:48,040 All right. 22 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:54,080 Stop laying the guilt trip on me! If I let Unsworth down again, he'll go somewhere else. 23 00:01:54,080 --> 00:02:00,840 All I said was "all right." There you go again. You can't stop it. Guilt, guilt, guilt. 24 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:04,920 You must be really upset. I am NOT upset. 25 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:08,480 Football boots! Take some responsibility! 26 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:15,360 Why are you angry with him and not me? Because with HIM, there's still a point. Oh, right! 27 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,720 Good. Good luck, Michael! 28 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,320 Mum, you're too good for him. 29 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:24,840 I know. ..You STILL can't borrow the laptop. 30 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:31,600 Et tu, Mum! Why don't you borrow Michael's? Cos it's sort of personal. 31 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:36,680 Not chatting up girls on the internet again?! You've done this before? 32 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,480 Yeah! 33 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:45,960 Talia, her name was. A 19-year-old cellist from Prague. We had a deep e-relationship going. 34 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:50,960 Talia turned out to be a 48-year-old gasfitter called Stewart from Sunderland. 35 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,960 All right, so he was a man. 36 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:58,640 It meant a lot to me while it lasted. 37 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:04,680 You know when parents say they'll love you no matter what? They're lying. 38 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:09,240 It's not a good idea. You might end up with a stalker. 39 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:13,720 I'm getting one just thinking about it. 40 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:20,760 Say I DID meet the right girl. We might get married, her dad might offer me a job in the family firm... 41 00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:25,280 I'd have to move out. The laptop's in the desk! 42 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:29,680 No school today? No. I've got the dentist. 43 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,520 What? What do you mean? 44 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:37,840 Hang on! I'M the dentist. I can't remember booking you in. 45 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:45,160 I booked her into another dentist. WHAT? You keep fobbing her off. I do NOT keep fobbing her off! 46 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:53,160 I fobbed her forward. If we wait on you, she'll be able to take her teeth out and post them to you! 47 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,880 Susan, PAYING patients come first. 48 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:59,000 Right. Your family always comes second. 49 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:05,120 Against TV, golf and football, that's not bad! Where did you find this dentist? 50 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:10,320 Yellow Pages. I see! They don't take anyone in Yellow Pages 51 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:15,520 Calm down. One dentist is much the same as another. THEY ARE NOT! 52 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,880 You're right. 53 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:25,200 Some don't think an effective painkiller is shouting "Shut up!" It IS effective. Makes me feel better! 54 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:32,200 Another dentist. Have you ever heard anything so disloyal? 55 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:39,280 I think it's a disgrace. Thank you. No. It's a disgrace that you can't make any time for your children. 56 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:46,200 It's like the story of the cobbler's children who had no food. They had no SHOES. 57 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:50,320 That makes no sense. Their dad was a cobbler. 58 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:56,560 Let me tell you the story of the dental assistant who had no job. How does it go? 59 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:06,720 The problem with chatting to a girl on the internet is that they miss the full Nick Harper Experience. 60 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:10,320 The piercing blue eyes, easy smile... The smell. 61 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:13,960 Yeah. All the intangibles. It's tricky. 62 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:19,520 It impresses a girl when a boy takes an interest in her clothes. Thanks! 63 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:25,840 Why not ask her what colour her knickers are? ..I think my teeth look wonderful. 64 00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:31,000 They're yellow. They're not! No. Isabelle's knickers. 65 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,760 She told you?! What a slag. 66 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:35,280 Yeah! 67 00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:39,840 Are you sure it's not just Stewart from Sunderland? No. 68 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:46,680 Isabelle's French, she's a swimwear model and her father owns a major electronics business. 69 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,920 Know the phrase, "Pull the other one"? 70 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,680 You think she's got a sister?! 71 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,520 Hello. 72 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,520 Hello. 73 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,600 What is that? 74 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,520 It's a rabbit. I can see that. 75 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:30,920 But WHAT is it? Well, I wanted a rabbit, so I bought a rabbit. But you didn't ask our permission. 76 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,720 Well, I'm rebelling. 77 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,600 A rebel with a rabbit! 78 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:44,280 You said, "take responsibility." I said your father looked good in a tank top! 79 00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:47,360 This is a symbol of my independence. Good. 80 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:53,320 Take it back to the shop. I'll never believe anything you say again. 81 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:59,080 I'll become aimless and my school work will suffer. Another Nick! 82 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,880 Welcome to your new home! 83 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,520 Just keep it away from the food. 84 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:08,920 Yeah. We don't want to kill it on its first day! 85 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:20,040 Stop admiring your teeth! Mel says you've got to love yourself before others can love you. 86 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,680 Well, keep trying! 87 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:27,600 What IS this? Toad-in-the-hole. But we don't have sausages. 88 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:32,680 So it's just hole? 89 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:37,040 It's not JUST hole. It's French. 90 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:40,480 It's "toad en vacance"! 91 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,080 Hello. 92 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:46,840 Nice to meet you. My name is Susan Harper 93 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:54,040 and these are your children. All right, I'm late! But it's the only time some people can come in. 94 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:59,120 Don't ask me what sort of day I've had..OK. I'll tell you. 95 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:03,200 In a word, bloody awful. That's TWO words. 96 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,280 Well, I've got another two words for you. 97 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:09,040 Do I get dinner? That's four words. 98 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:16,040 It's in the kitchen. In the kitchen! Any specific location On the counter. 99 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,400 I think it needs to go in for a bit longer. 100 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:32,480 Janey, what are you doing? Mel says water should be savoured like wine. 101 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:36,520 Who is this Mel? How come she's the font of wisdom? 102 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:40,360 Mel is a HE. Oh, a he! A HE! 103 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:47,680 Bring your new friend for tea. If he's anything like the last one, he can bring his probation officer! 104 00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:51,840 It's not like that! It's Mel Frazer, my dentist. 105 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,840 Oh, yes. Mr Dial-A-Dentist. 106 00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:02,880 Mr Fillings-In-A-Jiffy-And-A-Free Travel-Clock-On-Your-Third-Visit! 107 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:08,040 Dad, he's cool. He's got an earring. Marvellous qualifications 108 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:11,680 In dentistry, that's like an OBE 109 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:18,840 And he's from Australia. Australian! That completely revises my opinion! How could I have been so blinkered? 110 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:22,240 You're just jealous. Jealous? Why?! 111 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:25,280 Because you see dentistry as a dark wasteland, 112 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:30,600 whereas Mel sees dentistry as a calling, filled with hope. 113 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,440 He's obviously doing it wrong! 114 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,520 Let it go! 115 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:41,040 I can't. 116 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:48,160 What exactly is it that's bothering you? She's MY little girl. Wasn't it yesterday... 117 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:52,400 she was that airheaded shopping machine from hell? 118 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,040 I can't help being multilayered! 119 00:09:56,080 --> 00:10:01,120 You're overreacting. She's had crushes before. This is a dentist! 120 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:04,720 It's still a schoolgirl crush. Yes. 121 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:11,760 But who knows where it could lead? Oh, Ben! She's brushing so hard, she could damage her epithelial cuff. 122 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:15,880 Are you sure? I'm a professional! 123 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:21,680 Why don't you talk to her? Sit her down, father to daughter, 124 00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:24,440 and explain how you feel. 125 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:27,200 You're right. I'm overreacting. 126 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:31,400 Things will look different in the morning. Usually worse! 127 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,040 Goodnight. 128 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:41,040 You know, I read somewhere that the older you get, the less sleep you need. 129 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:47,520 Really? What are you supposed to do with all that extra time? 130 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,280 I've got a few ideas. 131 00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:55,360 Well, I'm always open to ideas. That's not true. But I won't argue. 132 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:15,360 Oh, my God! What's wrong? That molar. Upper right 5. 133 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:19,440 What about it? You've had it repaired. 134 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,880 Have I?! 135 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:34,280 The tongue never lies, Susan. 136 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,880 Let me have a look. 137 00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:42,040 Give me a look. No! Open up! What do you think I am? A horse? 138 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:44,760 I don't believe it! 139 00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:48,040 That is NOT my handiwork! 140 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:53,480 Oh, my God! Oh, my GOD! Anything but that! 141 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:57,040 You've been seeing another dentist! 142 00:11:57,040 --> 00:12:02,320 Of course I have! You wouldn't do anything about it! 143 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:05,120 I was busy! I have needs, Ben! 144 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:13,680 I turn my back for one moment... and you sneak off to see someone else! 145 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,680 Oh, come on, Ben. 146 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,200 It was ONE time. Yeah, yeah. 147 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,040 This is where it starts, isn't it? 148 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:28,960 It didn't mean anything. 149 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,680 It didn't mean anything? 150 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,680 What was he like? 151 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:45,040 Excuse me? Was he good? 152 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,600 He was all right. 153 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,360 Better than me? 154 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:53,040 Different. 155 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:58,040 Different? Was it his technique? 156 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,680 Or his equipment? 157 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,520 Well... 158 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,840 ..he did take a lot more time. 159 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:16,440 We ARE still talking dentistry? 160 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:20,600 Of course we are! Oh, Susan! How could you?! 161 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:24,880 My own wife and Surfing Mel! Where are you going? 162 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,960 I can't look at you at the moment. 163 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:33,600 You can see why I'm so hurt, can't you? 164 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:38,680 Sure, I'm a husband and a father, but, above all, I'm a dentist. 165 00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:41,360 A family dentist. 166 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:44,040 That's what I do. 167 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,600 That's what I am. 168 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:51,440 And if my family can't respect me as a husband or a father, 169 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:57,800 then surely they can respect me as a family dentist, otherwise what's the point of me? 170 00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,280 Mmm? 171 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:02,160 No point! 172 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,240 Hey! 173 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:07,760 Fancy another? 174 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:11,040 Come on! Let your fur down. 175 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,520 Yeah? 176 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:16,640 You know... we're quite alike, me and you. 177 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,040 Yeah. 178 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:22,040 I mean... 179 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,760 we're different backgrounds... 180 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:30,480 but me, a professional man with a family, and you, a bunny rabbit 181 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:33,200 with long, floppy ears... 182 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:38,040 ..but we're quite alike. 183 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,680 You know why? 184 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,040 Because we both live in cages. 185 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,520 That's right. 186 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:53,600 Except you can't see the bars in mine. 187 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,680 Oh, yes. I think I've had enough. 188 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:03,360 It's funny, Hannibal's looking really tired this morning. 189 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:06,040 Like someone kept him up all night. 190 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,680 Really? How strange. 191 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:14,040 Has that rabbit been in its cage all morning? 192 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,680 They're just raisins. Oh, yeah? 193 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,200 I think. 194 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,800 Morning, Mike. Morning, Dad. 195 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:30,680 Just been chatting to Isabelle. We've got so much in common. 196 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,200 You both stand up to pee! 197 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,760 Look, Dad, she is NOT a man. Mm-hm. 198 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:43,920 Look. She e-mailed me this photo. 199 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:47,960 Morning! 200 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:53,840 Who's that? Isabelle. Looks nothing like a gasfitter. 201 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:58,240 No, Dad. Isabelle. French. Fabulous. Female. 202 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,040 Fraud. 203 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,680 Last month's copy of Vogue... 204 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:07,760 your picture of Isabelle... Notice any resemblance? So? 205 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:11,080 She's a model who appears in Vogue. 206 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:14,160 The word "trust" doesn't appear in their vocabulary. 207 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:20,080 Michael, put that rabbit away. You look like a Bond villain. 208 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:28,360 Notice anything strange about that rabbit? 209 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:33,440 Yes. It's been here for two days and hasn't asked me for money yet. 210 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:36,280 No. He looks at me funny. 211 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:39,040 You should be used to that by now. 212 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:47,040 I think he's evil. Your father's not evil. Bit pig-headed, perhaps... 213 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:50,120 Janey, you're seeing Mel tomorrow? Yep. 214 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:56,600 I never thought I'd enjoy going to the dentist! Mel makes my gums feel so alive! 215 00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,440 Janey's turning into Julie Andrews! 216 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:05,520 Nick, you wouldn't be so disloyal as to see another dentist? Absolutely not. 217 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:10,280 I'd never visit a dentist. Course. What about you, Michael? 218 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:14,040 Mel DOES have a website. I see 219 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:19,440 Surfing Mel, dentist for the techno-age with his surfboard 220 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:25,240 Oh, God! They're only raisins. No. My filling's fallen out. 221 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,680 Oh? 222 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:32,680 Which one? The new one. 223 00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,320 Oh! 224 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:39,360 Could you have a look? I COULD, but I'm not your dentist any more. 225 00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:46,440 This is no time to behave like... well, like you always do. Surfing Mel can fix it! 226 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:51,360 I don't believe this! Where are you going? To Surfing Mel! 227 00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:59,200 Shouldn't you be making an appointment? Don't worry. Mel's always got time for ME! Oh! 228 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,360 Is that defecating rodent still here? 229 00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:05,600 All right! I was going anyway! 230 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:09,440 You knew. Was it a secret? 231 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:13,520 My wife is seeing another dentist behind my back! 232 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:19,080 How did you find out? I heard it through the hygienists' grapevine. 233 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:26,600 They've got a grapevine? I don't just clean teeth! Must be embarrassing to be the last to know! 234 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,960 Tell me one thing he's got that I haven't. 235 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:33,760 Charm, good looks, politeness... ONE thing! 236 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:45,240 Hey, shouldn't you be in bed? 237 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:51,280 Shouldn't you be in gainful employment? Get out! You want to borrow the laptop. 238 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:56,360 YOU'RE borrowing the laptop. It's MY laptop. Just a sec... 239 00:18:56,360 --> 00:19:02,640 I'm chatting to Isabelle. Don't you think this will end in humiliation? I don't know. 240 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:08,400 You haven't told me what you're up to. Not me! YOUR doomed relationship with Isa...bloke! 241 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:14,480 Bet you 50 quid she's the girl from the magazine. Nick, you haven't GOT 50 quid. 242 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:21,760 I will when I win the bet. How can you prove it? Cos she's coming over. What? Just telling her where I live. 243 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:29,040 Are you insane?! You do not put my address on the internet! I like to live dangerously. Out the way! 244 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:36,120 I'd better get back to bed before your mother misses me. Plenty of time, then! Shift your cyber-arse! 245 00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:43,200 Let me get on-line. You're already on. Yeah? What are you looking for? I do NOT need your help, OK? 246 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,760 BLEEP! ..Think I might need your help. 247 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,520 So...how...eh...? 248 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,600 I'm looking for Surfing Mel's website. 249 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:57,680 That's a really good idea. ..What for? Professional reasons. 250 00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:04,760 How do you find a website? Click on the search button and type in a key word. What's a key word? 251 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:09,840 It's a word to do with the subject you're searching for. OK. "Oral." 252 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:17,040 That might list him... Eh... I don't think... Oh, look at this! 253 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,600 33,000 matches! 254 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:25,840 Let's try "oral contacts" - that might list him. 255 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:31,040 I think...it's not... Shut up! I'm getting the hang of this! 256 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,040 Good Lord! 257 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,760 Good going! 258 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:57,960 That can't be Surfing Mel. You'd better hope it's not! 259 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:04,200 Someone you know? 260 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:08,160 Is this how you spend your time? 261 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:11,640 It's... It's... It's what? Father and son bonding. 262 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:15,520 Oh, no! Those definitely weren't two men. 263 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:21,600 It's not what you think. Pathetic! But Nick has the excuse of being emotionally retarded. 264 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:24,040 Cheers, Mum! 265 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:28,680 Yeah, well... I expect you two want to be alone. 266 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,960 It's all HIS fault! It's a mistake. 267 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:37,560 I was looking for Mel's website to see what I was up against. 268 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:42,600 I thought the point of explaining a mistake was to make it look better! 269 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:46,120 Explain one or two things to ME! Like what? 270 00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:52,360 Like how you forgot to tell me about your dentist! I'm not having an affair with him! 271 00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:56,160 He's Australian! They'll have anything in a dress! 272 00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:59,840 "Anything in a dress." 273 00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:06,240 Perhaps if you came in again... I'm "anything in a dress." You'll forget I said that. 274 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:09,720 "Anything in a dress." Didn't think so! 275 00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:16,120 I don't know which is more insulting, that you think I'm "anything in a dress" 276 00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:21,200 or that I'd be stupid enough to fall for another dentist! I'm THE dentist! 277 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:29,360 If you'd come to me, none of this would have happened! That's you all over! It is never, EVER your fault! 278 00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:36,680 You know whose fault it is? Whose? That bloody rabbit! Since it came, there's been nothing but trouble! 279 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:54,200 You can see why I'm hurt, can't you? 280 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:58,280 I'm a high-powered career woman... AND a gourmet cook. 281 00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:01,040 And above all, I'm a realist. 282 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:07,800 And realistically speaking, he's a pig-headed...pig. I know what you'll say. 283 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,560 "That sounds judgemental." 284 00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,800 But God gave me good judgement! 285 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,680 Mum? Oh, hello, Michael. 286 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,440 Are you and Dad getting divorced? 287 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:22,200 What on earth gave you THAT idea? 288 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:27,040 I heard you arguing last night... and the night before. 289 00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:29,720 All parents argue! Why? 290 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:35,040 Well, it's a way of finding out how your father and I both feel. 291 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,600 It makes things easier. 292 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:42,800 Easier? Well, easier for me to prove your father wrong. 293 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:46,160 So it's not serious? No. 294 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:49,040 But you WERE talking to a rabbit. 295 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:56,680 It can help to talk things over with a disinterested party. Like when Neil's parents went to a counsellor? 296 00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:00,200 Yes. Exactly. Neil's parents got divorced. 297 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:06,360 We're not getting a divorce. His mum got the children. We're DEFINITELY not getting divorced. 298 00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:13,480 Neil says it's great. Every time he sees his dad, he gets taken to Alton Towers. BEN! 299 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:21,760 Your father's going to explain what's been happening. You'll only interrupt. 300 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:29,320 I only interrupt when you digress. YOU digress. I build a framework. Framework? It's a bloody scaffold! 301 00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:32,040 Call me when you're ready. Sit down. 302 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:33,520 Ben. 303 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:36,200 All right, Michael, 304 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:40,880 the thing is, your mother has been very silly. 305 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:47,480 She's been seeing another dentist. Your father isn't seeing anyone else's point of view. 306 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:53,200 Your mother thinks she's always right, but she's always wrong. 307 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:59,760 How would HE know? He spends all his time with his patients and lets us go to pot! 308 00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:04,040 Your mother thinks that money grows on trees. 309 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:08,280 New handbags sprout little legs and walk to your house! 310 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:15,880 Your father, although a dentist, believes that children's teeth are repaired by the tooth fairy! 311 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:20,400 Your mother knows she'll never find a bigger sucker! 312 00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:28,000 And your father knows he'll never find anyone else who'll have him. So we're not getting divorced! 313 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:33,080 Thanks, Mum. Thanks, Dad. I'll sleep easy tonight. 314 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:40,280 Janey's back early from the dentist. He's probably got a drive-thru. 315 00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:46,440 "One crown... French fries with that?" Hello, Janey. How was your McCheck-up? 316 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,080 McShite. 317 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:51,280 What happened? The man's a git! 318 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:57,000 Don't talk about your mother's boyfriend like that! What happened? 319 00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,840 I was sitting in the chair and he... 320 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:05,120 We were just talking. He seemed so nice... I can't even think about it. 321 00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:06,840 Janey...? 322 00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,520 You can tell us. 323 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:14,320 He started telling me a story. What KIND of story? 324 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:19,320 The story about the kitten who didn't floss! 325 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:25,320 The kitten who didn't floss? Yeah. It ended up with lots of cavities. It's a good story. 326 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:30,560 It's a children's story! Mel thinks I'm a child. He's just like YOU! 327 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,440 What do you mean, he's like me? 328 00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:40,520 Janey, these things happen. But remember, we'll always be here for you. Won't we, Ben? Eh...yeah. 329 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:45,600 It's a bit inconvenient, but I can fit you in 3 o'clock, Monday. 330 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,280 You see? He DOES care. Lucky me! 331 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:51,520 DOORBELL 332 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:58,040 Hello. Yes? Nicky... 333 00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,840 Nicky? Yes. Nicky...? 334 00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:03,640 NICK. Hang on. Come in. ..NICK! 335 00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:06,440 Someone to see you. 336 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:11,040 Are you Isabelle? Yes. 337 00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:14,920 Nicky has talked about me? Endlessly! Mum! 338 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:17,680 Dad! Look, this is Isabelle. 339 00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:23,680 Nice to meet you. ..Ben, close your mouth. 340 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,440 Hello. Enchante. 341 00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:31,000 Sunderland's on the up and up! Pleased to meet you. 342 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,760 Hello. 343 00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:34,520 Hello. 344 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,040 We meet at last. 345 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:39,960 Eh...I have come to see Nicky. 346 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:43,200 Yep. I'm Nicky. 347 00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:47,680 You...? I don't look exactly like my picture... 348 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,680 SHE RANTS IN FRENCH 349 00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:58,160 So that was...? 350 00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:02,080 ..my internet girlfriend. Gorgeous! 351 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:06,080 You pretended to be a really fit guy! 352 00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:12,000 Well, not exactly. You didn't! ..You DID! You pretended to be a woman! 353 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:17,520 And it nearly worked! It didn't! There was no way it was gonna work! 354 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:22,520 It was worth the risk. You loser! Me? YOU owe ME 50 quid! 355 00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,360 Cash, mate. No cheques. 356 00:28:27,120 --> 00:28:29,840 Our son has come out - as a lesbian! 357 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:36,320 But that won't change the way we feel about him. Nothing could ever change THAT!